As a mother and teacher (both relatively new experiences for me in my life) I feel I need to write something brief about what happened in Newtown, CT this week. I have heard snippets on the news and read the odd story here and there on the internet about the victims and heroes involved in the school shooting. they’ve released the names and small little faces of the 6 and 7 year olds who were senselessly killed. i’ve tried not to pay any attention to the shooter (who I shall not name, as he doesn’t deserve it) I try to reconcile the information - its like a tornado - a force of nature - something like that so random - how can you ever prepare for or prevent something like that?
there are no words for something of this magnitude. something so out of the blue. something so senseless and horrific. As a teacher I’ve heard it before: don’t you ever feel like a sitting duck? aren’t lockdown procedures scary to learn when you’re new on the job? why can anyone just walk into a school? none of these things carry much weight for me. of course. I know the lockdown procedures and when I had to practice them with a grade 3 class on my very first practicum during teacher’s college, something deep within me felt that it was wrong and corrupting their innocence to have to teach them about these things. but the words, “gunman” weren’t used - just "bad guys" and/or “intruders” and we practiced the rules and procedures as we did fire drills - some people even giggled because they thought hiding under tables in the dark was fun. its just part of our day and age. I teach 6 and 7 year olds all the time. I would have done that same thing that that brave teacher did if my class were threatened. so would every other teacher out there - I don’t doubt that for a second.
But teacher realities are not the thoughts that are haunting me, surprisingly. Its the idea that i have a son who will grow up. No, I won’t take him to target practice and I won’t own any weapons (that’s a whole other blog post!), but he will go to school. I will eventually have to leave him in the care of another person/ institution all day long. I won’t always see or know about the troubles he has or interactions he has socially that will make him who he is. He will grow up a lot of the time on his own, or under the guidance of others, and he will go through awkward phases. he won’t always be liked. won’t fit in. he might be too smart, or not smart enough. he might get teased. depression? hopefully not, but maybe. 1 in 4 people have a mental illness. all these thoughts are playing bumper cars inside my head. what made this kid snap? How can I be a protective factor to the kids I teach? To my own son? How can I help to stop this sort of thing?
there are no words for something of this magnitude. something so out of the blue. something so senseless and horrific. As a teacher I’ve heard it before: don’t you ever feel like a sitting duck? aren’t lockdown procedures scary to learn when you’re new on the job? why can anyone just walk into a school? none of these things carry much weight for me. of course. I know the lockdown procedures and when I had to practice them with a grade 3 class on my very first practicum during teacher’s college, something deep within me felt that it was wrong and corrupting their innocence to have to teach them about these things. but the words, “gunman” weren’t used - just "bad guys" and/or “intruders” and we practiced the rules and procedures as we did fire drills - some people even giggled because they thought hiding under tables in the dark was fun. its just part of our day and age. I teach 6 and 7 year olds all the time. I would have done that same thing that that brave teacher did if my class were threatened. so would every other teacher out there - I don’t doubt that for a second.
But teacher realities are not the thoughts that are haunting me, surprisingly. Its the idea that i have a son who will grow up. No, I won’t take him to target practice and I won’t own any weapons (that’s a whole other blog post!), but he will go to school. I will eventually have to leave him in the care of another person/ institution all day long. I won’t always see or know about the troubles he has or interactions he has socially that will make him who he is. He will grow up a lot of the time on his own, or under the guidance of others, and he will go through awkward phases. he won’t always be liked. won’t fit in. he might be too smart, or not smart enough. he might get teased. depression? hopefully not, but maybe. 1 in 4 people have a mental illness. all these thoughts are playing bumper cars inside my head. what made this kid snap? How can I be a protective factor to the kids I teach? To my own son? How can I help to stop this sort of thing?
No comments:
Post a Comment