Friday 25 January 2013

In Search of Some Traditions

Woof Woof!

You know those springy, coil door-stoppers that make a funny noise if you stub your toe on them? They’re literally a mounted spring with a rubber stopper on the end and they’re usually on a baseboard?  Well, in my family, growing up, whenever we’d hit that and hear that “sproing boing” sound reverberate, someone, would bark in response.  Yes, they would actually imitate the sound of a dog going, “Woof!”  Its weird, but its a family tradition.  No one ever really asked my mom, the one who started it and who would faithfully remember to do it every time someone accidentally hit the thing, why we did it, but now, whenever it happens at my house, I bark like Pavlov’s dog hearing that bell (only barking instead of drooling and licking my chops).  My son, now nearly 2 and a half, thinks that I’m a real space cadet for doing something so weird - he pauses and smirks when I do it because he knows, even at his young age, that the action makes no sense, but it sounds so empty if no one does it.  Its like picking up a penny when you see one, or walking out of the way instead of going under a ladder.  Its a tradition that taken on superstition status.   

The reason I’m writing about something so random is that I keep reading about family traditions, however zany, and how important they are to establish with your kids. Whether its making pancakes together every Sunday morning or Friday night movie night - something routine and predictable and comforting - and something special that kids can look forward to doing with their family. I can hear burly Tevye singing now.   There is nothing more lame in my opinion, then forcing a tradition upon unwilling participants.  Like nerd mom declaring to her reluctant kids, “Scrabble time! Get out your thinking caps!”.  I’m not going to do this - well - I’ll try not to.  I’d love for something fun to happen organically, that we can repeat all together, at will.  Over the summer, I’d say our local bike rides together that would invariably end up at our favorite park with our pail and shovel were a pretty good tradition.  And now, when I’m with Charlie all day, we nap together, I take him to the library or play group in the afternoon and we have a treat somewhere (usually a muffin). But I’m looking forward to something unique and highly memorable.  Something that only we have.

Yes, those are marinara stains.
Recently my mom emailed me some scans of paper napkins she’d saved from years gone by.  That sounds like the opening sentence from an episode of Hoarder’s, but I assure you, she’s undiagnosed and just sentimental.  The reason she’d saved these used paper napkins from places like Pizza Hut and Earl’s is that these were the same restaurants that my family frequented and to pass the time while we waited for our order (half canadian/half hawaiian pan pizza), my artist mother would take out her trusty black Staedtler ink pen from her purse (fine-nibbed and permanent! big responsibility for little girls) and we would play “squiggles” a make-something-out-of-this doodle-and-guess-what-it-is game.  We were IN LOVE with squiggles and to this day my sister and I fill the void by playing each other on Draw Something on our iPhones (she from Vancouver and I in Burlington).  This is the kind of tradition I know will never leave my memory and my heart and its weird enough that now, even though I'm usually inclined to, I can’t just ask someone I’m dining with to play with me (most people don’t enjoy the challenge of drawing on a surface that may rip at any moment should the pen be wielded in a careless manner) and besides, we tend to dine at places with cloth napkins now, thank heavens.   I never asked my mom why she never stole one of my dad’s reporter notepads that he had stacked by the dozens in our house to play our game on, but I don’t think the memory would have been the same if she had.

Sunday 6 January 2013

Defy Me And You Shall.... (*gulp...I don’t know)

how many times do I have to tell you? they're not toys!

I am desperately trying to beef up on my knowledge of parenting a child whose sole interest is in resisting parental guidance.  “Charlie do it hisself” has been an oft-uttered phrase lately.  I get independence and mastery.  That’s cool.  I can dig it.  But when he goes limp and refuses to stand so I can pull his pants up after a change - well it really boils my blood.  I don’t like gritting my teeth or boiling over, but I immediately go there.  Its like I have the shortest fuse known to man.  

Logically, I understand he’s testing the limits.  He’ll sweetly watch our reactions as he throws books over the railing and down the stairs batting his eyelashes or as he goes into drawers we’ve told him a hundred times not to empty with a little devilish smile on his lips.  I continually trip over chopsticks, bag clips and napkin rings in the weirdest places.  

I think it was my over-reaction when I noticed he’d pulled every tissue out of the brand new Puff’s box and put it into the toilet with the stealth of a CIA operative which was the event that set this whole phase off.  When I saw what he had done I growled “No! What have you done? No thank you! That is such a waste and will clog the toilet.” I paired this with a somewhat aggressive interception of the final tissues, I picked him up and I carried him out of the bathroom and slammed the door in his face as I unplugged the toilet. (Never think you’ll reach into toilet water with bare hands? Have a kid - it will happen at some point, I promise you.) He cried as if I’d dismembered him or drowned his puppy.  I’m sure neighbors thought the worst.  As I mopped up the drips and disposed of the mushy kleenex I calmed down, washed my hands and composed myself.  I opened the door, picked him up, wiped his tears and apologized.  We read some stories and I realized had I been giving him this attention, he wouldn’t have sneaked off to do that.  

Its my reaction in the moment of discovery that I need to work on. Its just short of Homer Simpson choking Bart ("Why I Oughta!")  My husband is the most calm and patient man you’ll ever meet (except when I’m parallel parking) but the second Charlie does something that might endanger him (like playing with a cord at the electrical socket or hugging a christmas tree as it teeters on its stand) he’ll go completely ape-sh*& and yell in scary daddy voice: “Charlie NO! Stop that right now!” or something to that effect which usually results in instant crying.  It even scares me.  Is fear mongering the right way to curb the behavior or does that make it all the more desirable?  I’ve heard of ignoring problem behaviours so that they become less appealing.  I’ve heard of redirecting kids instead of scolding.  Of positive reinforcement and rewards for good behaviour.  Its the punishment thing that’s hard to swallow.  I recently talked with my sister-in-law about the “time out” corner or “time-out” chair idea.  Her friend does it paired with counting to 3 and it really works to keep her kid in line.  What do you do to let your kid know you mean business?

Check out what I’ve been reading lately on the subject:






Moomah

I am totally inspired and have a major girl-crush on Tracey Stewart.  Yes, she is married to the fabulous Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, but her brand of funny is all her own.  She is at the helm of free online mag: Moomah which is a gathering space for moms/ caregivers/ women (or men - I mean its not "women only" where did my gender studies degree vanish to?) who like alternative articles on female-ish stuff, parenting, DIY, crafts, cookery etc.  Its great, hilarious and inspiring.  Give it a read here, I betcha you'll bookmark it! Moomah

Prepping For A Dinner Party: 2 Year Old Godzilla Edition

The scribblings of a mad woman/ wannabe foodie mom
On the last Saturday before I had to return to work from winter holidays, we decided to invite our whole family over for a “fresh feast”.  We had recently bought a juicer after watching a frightening documentary on weight gain and processed foods (knowledge we already had, but paired with some foggy new year’s resolutions and packaged in a really convincing way, this documentary scared/ inspired us into trying to be healthier - at least for a little while).  The fresh feast was totally vegetarian (except for a small salmon filet for those not willing to go “all the way” with our idea).  The recipes were all from a vegan chef’s website and require a lot of preparation.

My husband was working all day and so I was alone with Charlie.  This is usually a pleasure, but on a day when shopping, cleaning, planning, cooking prep and actual cooking is required for a large group, entertaining a 2 year old can be extremely daunting.  I know, there were plenty of (and still are) women who can manage this day in and day out (an image of a 1950s octopi-supermom with 15 arms in a gingham apron comes to mind).  But I don’t do oversized family calendars and coloured sticky notes.  I’m not that person.  When cooking, I don’t have mise en place and I don’t keep a hot soapy sink ready to plunk in dirty dishes as I cook.  I don’t have a garbage bowl ready for keeping my work space clean.  Well, not normally.  

Having to manage Charlie (or atleast keep him out of trouble) while I prepped was a big task.  I needed a game plan.    I reminded myself to be positive, upbeat and oozing joy the entire time, else Charlie would sense my true stress levels and be B-A-D (we're talking: sneak into the bathroom and squeeze out all mommy's expensive-ish shampoo onto the tile floor or throw tin cans down the wooden stairs = previous behaviours which will go down in the books as maniacal).

Here are some activities that I successfully did which kept him occupied, happy and maybe interested him in one day being the next Tyler Florence.  I only burned the candied nuts on the first attempt! I call that a job well done!

  • Get out play food and a variety of stuffed animals and allow charlie to use “grown up” and safe kitchen utensils to make them a “fresh feast” or “brunch” (pronounced “fesh feest” and “bunch”).
  • Pull up a chair to the counter and allow your kid to be your sous chef minus the sharp knives, microplanes, food processors, and cheese graters. (Charlie was an excellent radish picker, scrubber and passer).
  • Teach him to repeat the following phrases:
    • Mmm! This is delicious white bean dip!
    • Wowza! Have you been slaving over a hot stove all day to make this risotto? I can tell!
    • Is that Tamari in the dressing? It gives it a real whole-mouth feeling!
  • Let him wear oven mitts, apron and any other kitchen apparel while pretending to do pantry inventory.
  • Let him pour dry pasta into a variety of bowls (that you’ll mark - DON’T EAT - EVER! in a ziplock bag afterwards for re-use) and use the swiffer and dustpan after to clean up.  Stepping on dry pasta is a little like DIY reflexology.