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| how many times do I have to tell you? they're not toys! |
I am desperately trying to beef up on my knowledge of parenting a child whose sole interest is in resisting parental guidance. “Charlie do it hisself” has been an oft-uttered phrase lately. I get independence and mastery. That’s cool. I can dig it. But when he goes limp and refuses to stand so I can pull his pants up after a change - well it really boils my blood. I don’t like gritting my teeth or boiling over, but I immediately go there. Its like I have the shortest fuse known to man.
Logically, I understand he’s testing the limits. He’ll sweetly watch our reactions as he throws books over the railing and down the stairs batting his eyelashes or as he goes into drawers we’ve told him a hundred times not to empty with a little devilish smile on his lips. I continually trip over chopsticks, bag clips and napkin rings in the weirdest places.
I think it was my over-reaction when I noticed he’d pulled every tissue out of the brand new Puff’s box and put it into the toilet with the stealth of a CIA operative which was the event that set this whole phase off. When I saw what he had done I growled “No! What have you done? No thank you! That is such a waste and will clog the toilet.” I paired this with a somewhat aggressive interception of the final tissues, I picked him up and I carried him out of the bathroom and slammed the door in his face as I unplugged the toilet. (Never think you’ll reach into toilet water with bare hands? Have a kid - it will happen at some point, I promise you.) He cried as if I’d dismembered him or drowned his puppy. I’m sure neighbors thought the worst. As I mopped up the drips and disposed of the mushy kleenex I calmed down, washed my hands and composed myself. I opened the door, picked him up, wiped his tears and apologized. We read some stories and I realized had I been giving him this attention, he wouldn’t have sneaked off to do that.
Its my reaction in the moment of discovery that I need to work on. Its just short of Homer Simpson choking Bart ("Why I Oughta!") My husband is the most calm and patient man you’ll ever meet (except when I’m parallel parking) but the second Charlie does something that might endanger him (like playing with a cord at the electrical socket or hugging a christmas tree as it teeters on its stand) he’ll go completely ape-sh*& and yell in scary daddy voice: “Charlie NO! Stop that right now!” or something to that effect which usually results in instant crying. It even scares me. Is fear mongering the right way to curb the behavior or does that make it all the more desirable? I’ve heard of ignoring problem behaviours so that they become less appealing. I’ve heard of redirecting kids instead of scolding. Of positive reinforcement and rewards for good behaviour. Its the punishment thing that’s hard to swallow. I recently talked with my sister-in-law about the “time out” corner or “time-out” chair idea. Her friend does it paired with counting to 3 and it really works to keep her kid in line. What do you do to let your kid know you mean business?
Check out what I’ve been reading lately on the subject:
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