Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Friday, 25 January 2013

In Search of Some Traditions

Woof Woof!

You know those springy, coil door-stoppers that make a funny noise if you stub your toe on them? They’re literally a mounted spring with a rubber stopper on the end and they’re usually on a baseboard?  Well, in my family, growing up, whenever we’d hit that and hear that “sproing boing” sound reverberate, someone, would bark in response.  Yes, they would actually imitate the sound of a dog going, “Woof!”  Its weird, but its a family tradition.  No one ever really asked my mom, the one who started it and who would faithfully remember to do it every time someone accidentally hit the thing, why we did it, but now, whenever it happens at my house, I bark like Pavlov’s dog hearing that bell (only barking instead of drooling and licking my chops).  My son, now nearly 2 and a half, thinks that I’m a real space cadet for doing something so weird - he pauses and smirks when I do it because he knows, even at his young age, that the action makes no sense, but it sounds so empty if no one does it.  Its like picking up a penny when you see one, or walking out of the way instead of going under a ladder.  Its a tradition that taken on superstition status.   

The reason I’m writing about something so random is that I keep reading about family traditions, however zany, and how important they are to establish with your kids. Whether its making pancakes together every Sunday morning or Friday night movie night - something routine and predictable and comforting - and something special that kids can look forward to doing with their family. I can hear burly Tevye singing now.   There is nothing more lame in my opinion, then forcing a tradition upon unwilling participants.  Like nerd mom declaring to her reluctant kids, “Scrabble time! Get out your thinking caps!”.  I’m not going to do this - well - I’ll try not to.  I’d love for something fun to happen organically, that we can repeat all together, at will.  Over the summer, I’d say our local bike rides together that would invariably end up at our favorite park with our pail and shovel were a pretty good tradition.  And now, when I’m with Charlie all day, we nap together, I take him to the library or play group in the afternoon and we have a treat somewhere (usually a muffin). But I’m looking forward to something unique and highly memorable.  Something that only we have.

Yes, those are marinara stains.
Recently my mom emailed me some scans of paper napkins she’d saved from years gone by.  That sounds like the opening sentence from an episode of Hoarder’s, but I assure you, she’s undiagnosed and just sentimental.  The reason she’d saved these used paper napkins from places like Pizza Hut and Earl’s is that these were the same restaurants that my family frequented and to pass the time while we waited for our order (half canadian/half hawaiian pan pizza), my artist mother would take out her trusty black Staedtler ink pen from her purse (fine-nibbed and permanent! big responsibility for little girls) and we would play “squiggles” a make-something-out-of-this doodle-and-guess-what-it-is game.  We were IN LOVE with squiggles and to this day my sister and I fill the void by playing each other on Draw Something on our iPhones (she from Vancouver and I in Burlington).  This is the kind of tradition I know will never leave my memory and my heart and its weird enough that now, even though I'm usually inclined to, I can’t just ask someone I’m dining with to play with me (most people don’t enjoy the challenge of drawing on a surface that may rip at any moment should the pen be wielded in a careless manner) and besides, we tend to dine at places with cloth napkins now, thank heavens.   I never asked my mom why she never stole one of my dad’s reporter notepads that he had stacked by the dozens in our house to play our game on, but I don’t think the memory would have been the same if she had.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Defy Me And You Shall.... (*gulp...I don’t know)

how many times do I have to tell you? they're not toys!

I am desperately trying to beef up on my knowledge of parenting a child whose sole interest is in resisting parental guidance.  “Charlie do it hisself” has been an oft-uttered phrase lately.  I get independence and mastery.  That’s cool.  I can dig it.  But when he goes limp and refuses to stand so I can pull his pants up after a change - well it really boils my blood.  I don’t like gritting my teeth or boiling over, but I immediately go there.  Its like I have the shortest fuse known to man.  

Logically, I understand he’s testing the limits.  He’ll sweetly watch our reactions as he throws books over the railing and down the stairs batting his eyelashes or as he goes into drawers we’ve told him a hundred times not to empty with a little devilish smile on his lips.  I continually trip over chopsticks, bag clips and napkin rings in the weirdest places.  

I think it was my over-reaction when I noticed he’d pulled every tissue out of the brand new Puff’s box and put it into the toilet with the stealth of a CIA operative which was the event that set this whole phase off.  When I saw what he had done I growled “No! What have you done? No thank you! That is such a waste and will clog the toilet.” I paired this with a somewhat aggressive interception of the final tissues, I picked him up and I carried him out of the bathroom and slammed the door in his face as I unplugged the toilet. (Never think you’ll reach into toilet water with bare hands? Have a kid - it will happen at some point, I promise you.) He cried as if I’d dismembered him or drowned his puppy.  I’m sure neighbors thought the worst.  As I mopped up the drips and disposed of the mushy kleenex I calmed down, washed my hands and composed myself.  I opened the door, picked him up, wiped his tears and apologized.  We read some stories and I realized had I been giving him this attention, he wouldn’t have sneaked off to do that.  

Its my reaction in the moment of discovery that I need to work on. Its just short of Homer Simpson choking Bart ("Why I Oughta!")  My husband is the most calm and patient man you’ll ever meet (except when I’m parallel parking) but the second Charlie does something that might endanger him (like playing with a cord at the electrical socket or hugging a christmas tree as it teeters on its stand) he’ll go completely ape-sh*& and yell in scary daddy voice: “Charlie NO! Stop that right now!” or something to that effect which usually results in instant crying.  It even scares me.  Is fear mongering the right way to curb the behavior or does that make it all the more desirable?  I’ve heard of ignoring problem behaviours so that they become less appealing.  I’ve heard of redirecting kids instead of scolding.  Of positive reinforcement and rewards for good behaviour.  Its the punishment thing that’s hard to swallow.  I recently talked with my sister-in-law about the “time out” corner or “time-out” chair idea.  Her friend does it paired with counting to 3 and it really works to keep her kid in line.  What do you do to let your kid know you mean business?

Check out what I’ve been reading lately on the subject:






Prepping For A Dinner Party: 2 Year Old Godzilla Edition

The scribblings of a mad woman/ wannabe foodie mom
On the last Saturday before I had to return to work from winter holidays, we decided to invite our whole family over for a “fresh feast”.  We had recently bought a juicer after watching a frightening documentary on weight gain and processed foods (knowledge we already had, but paired with some foggy new year’s resolutions and packaged in a really convincing way, this documentary scared/ inspired us into trying to be healthier - at least for a little while).  The fresh feast was totally vegetarian (except for a small salmon filet for those not willing to go “all the way” with our idea).  The recipes were all from a vegan chef’s website and require a lot of preparation.

My husband was working all day and so I was alone with Charlie.  This is usually a pleasure, but on a day when shopping, cleaning, planning, cooking prep and actual cooking is required for a large group, entertaining a 2 year old can be extremely daunting.  I know, there were plenty of (and still are) women who can manage this day in and day out (an image of a 1950s octopi-supermom with 15 arms in a gingham apron comes to mind).  But I don’t do oversized family calendars and coloured sticky notes.  I’m not that person.  When cooking, I don’t have mise en place and I don’t keep a hot soapy sink ready to plunk in dirty dishes as I cook.  I don’t have a garbage bowl ready for keeping my work space clean.  Well, not normally.  

Having to manage Charlie (or atleast keep him out of trouble) while I prepped was a big task.  I needed a game plan.    I reminded myself to be positive, upbeat and oozing joy the entire time, else Charlie would sense my true stress levels and be B-A-D (we're talking: sneak into the bathroom and squeeze out all mommy's expensive-ish shampoo onto the tile floor or throw tin cans down the wooden stairs = previous behaviours which will go down in the books as maniacal).

Here are some activities that I successfully did which kept him occupied, happy and maybe interested him in one day being the next Tyler Florence.  I only burned the candied nuts on the first attempt! I call that a job well done!

  • Get out play food and a variety of stuffed animals and allow charlie to use “grown up” and safe kitchen utensils to make them a “fresh feast” or “brunch” (pronounced “fesh feest” and “bunch”).
  • Pull up a chair to the counter and allow your kid to be your sous chef minus the sharp knives, microplanes, food processors, and cheese graters. (Charlie was an excellent radish picker, scrubber and passer).
  • Teach him to repeat the following phrases:
    • Mmm! This is delicious white bean dip!
    • Wowza! Have you been slaving over a hot stove all day to make this risotto? I can tell!
    • Is that Tamari in the dressing? It gives it a real whole-mouth feeling!
  • Let him wear oven mitts, apron and any other kitchen apparel while pretending to do pantry inventory.
  • Let him pour dry pasta into a variety of bowls (that you’ll mark - DON’T EAT - EVER! in a ziplock bag afterwards for re-use) and use the swiffer and dustpan after to clean up.  Stepping on dry pasta is a little like DIY reflexology.



Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Mean Cowboy

cartoon-cowboy-johnny_automatic via OpenClipArt

Today, for the first time since I’ve been a mom, my inner mama bear emerged. I took Charlie to play group (what we call going to an Ontario Early Years Center during drop-in hours.)  As I’ve mentioned before, we are working on sharing and taking turns, but Charlie is still uneasy when kids appear interested in ‘Tah-yee’s toys’ (anything he is playing with at a given time).  However, the same does not apply if Charlie wants to play with something that another child is using or enjoying.  Hypocrisy reigns.  Charlie will take the item away from them with no awareness of the hurt feelings that may occur until you point it out after the fact (which I always try to do).  

Lately, Charlie has been into cowboys.  This fact will be relevant in a few sentences.  Today is Halloween and most of the moms who brought their kids to playgroup had their acts together enough to a) remember and b) dress up not only their child, but also themselves.  I forgot all of these things.  In fact, I think I forgot it was even October.  Anyway, a cowboy about aged 3 showed up at playgroup today.  Charlie was entranced.  He started following the boy around and wanted to play with him, and with anything the boy was playing with.  I coasted nearby as I sensed that John Wayne was not that impressed with his new stalker.  “Charlie, give him some space.” and “No, I don’t think he’s quite finished with that ________ (fill in the blank)” were phrases often used.  At one point, Charlie was standing within breath-smelling distance from the boy's face and the boy flat out shoved Charlie to the ground and yelled “Go away!”  Well Charlie immediately got up and ran to me bawling hysterically.  The boy’s mother was equally mortified and apologized making cowboy hug Charlie and say he was sorry.  Not 3 minutes after reluctantly accepting a hug from the assailant, Charlie was attempting to play with cowboy again. (He's either got short-term memory problems or he's got the forgiveness of a saint I figured)  “Let’s go play with somebody else” I said loudly for the mother to hear (an attempt to not-so-subtly let her know that her bully kid should not be allowed in public among innocent, angelic children.)  After all, that IS why there is heaven and hell, right? To keep good people safe from bad people?  All right.  I may be going slightly overboard and in a few years, nay months, Charlie might be going through the same phase.  Even though Charlie accepted cowboy's apology licktey-split, I had a harder time doing so.

Anyway, about 30 minutes later, Charlie was attempting to be the other half of the see-saw that cowboy was rocking.  I could see trouble brewing so I hovered closer.  I guess he was galloping off onto the sunset on old trusty and Charlie hadn’t realized because when Charlie had one leg lifted in the air to straddle the see saw, cowboy got off and ran toward Charlie (I swear he was foaming at the mouth).  He shoved Charlie (half the boy’s size) down again (right in front of me) and cowboy’s mom (let’s call her cow-woman) did NOTHING! I was appalled. I scooped up Charlie and kissed him. Loudly I said.  “Oh dear! That’s not nice! I don’t think so buckshot!  Charlie - Don’t play with that boy.  That cowboy is a mean cowboy and he is in a bad mood today.  He isn’t nice.  Its not nice to shove people.  Tell him No! Please don’t shove me!”  

For the rest of the time we were there Charlie approached the cowboy and repeated my sage advice right to the boy’s face: “No! Peese do not shove me peese.” and he pointed at him with a sneer.  I think the boy and his mom got the message after the 16th time hearing it. 

Monday, 29 October 2012

Glimpses of Stellar Parenting

attempting to exercise patience at meal time

I just finished rereading Mommie Dearest.  My step-grandma gave it to me because it was the one book I always took off of her shelf and leafed through as a young girl.  (That and an illustrated tour of Graceland by Priscilla Presley).  I never wanted to be anything like Joan Crawford as a mother.  Obviously not.  She was portrayed by her daughter as demanding, critical, evil, even insane.  Sometimes I say things and I hear a bit of Joan in my voice.  Oh dear.  What do I expect? He’s only 2! He’s discovering and learning, he doesn’t know!  I always wanted to be a blend of Marilla and Matthew as a parent (Anne of Green Gables reference) - a mix of mushy-sentimental and strong/ no-nonsense.  I started thinking about my own mom - pretty darn patient woman considering.  She had her moments, her special saying for those trying moments where we didn’t want to do as she’d asked: life’s tough and then you die. When she said that, we knew she meant it and we generally smartened up and acquiesced.  Life is hard.  I don’t have it bad now, don’t get me wrong.  My whole family is healthy and relatively happy (knock on wood).  Things could always be better, but then again, they could always be worse (like "We Need to Talk About Kevin" worse).  Much, much worse.  Being a movie lover I started to think through all the movies I’d seen where the parents exhibited some pretty stellar patience.  Some unconditional love.  They were open-minded, they let bad (not life-threatening) but tough things happen to their kids so that they’d learn their own lessons, they weren’t over protective.  They were relatively liberal. My own wishes for myself as a parent are to be these things: to not try to fit Charlie into a box, to let him be himself (to a point) and to socialize him in ways that aren’t over-the-top strict, but that will allow him to be liked by others (and maybe even a teacher’s go-to helper).  

Movies Where The Parents Rock (Despite being sometimes overbearing, pig-headed, short-sighted, poor communicators and selfish)

Baby Boom (Diane Keaton)
Father of the Bride (Steve Martin and Diane Keaton)
Steel Magnolias (Sally Field and Tom Skerritt)
The Family Stone (Craig T Nelson and a very hard to love Diane Keaton)
Rachel Getting Married (Bill Irwin)
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock)
The Blindside (Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw)
I Am Sam (Sean Penn)
Twilight (Billy Burke and Sarah Clarke in a cheesy loveable way)
Little Miss Sunshine (Greg Kinnear and Toni Collette)
Pieces of April (Oliver Platt and Patricia Clarkson)
Spanglish (Adam Sandler and Tea Leoni)
The Pursuit of Happyness (Will Smith)
My Girl (Dan Aykroyd)
Pretty in Pink (Harry Dean Stanton)
Juno (J.K. Simmons)

Klepto Kid

a natural place to store trains

On my way to work last week, I stopped for my usual coffee and when I went to pay, I opened my wallet and noticed that it was completely empty.  I figured I’d been robbed and knew exactly who the culprit was, my nearly-two year-old son, Charlie.  I smiled politely at the woman and awkwardly told her I’d be right back, thankfully I only live around the corner.  When I returned home, I entered the house and politely asked my son, “Where did you put all of mommy’s cards and money?” (I hoped that his answer would  not be: I flushed them down the toilet or I ate them).  He smiled coyly and vacated the room, his hands together, whistling, nonchalantly, and looking around for something new to get into.  My husband and I spent the next 10 minutes frantically tearing the family room apart and when we found nothing there, proceeded to do the same to the kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms.  It sounded like a chant, we were repeating in unison as we searched: Where’s the stuff from mommy’s wallet? Oh where oh where can it be? Hoping the sing-song, you’re-not-in-trouble-as-long-as-you-show-us-where-you-buried-the-treasure, game would entice Charlie to play along, or at least jog his memory.  Finally, the hero that he is, my husband found the missing cards and money inside an unpacked overnight bag, backpack really, from the previous weekend’s excursion to a bachelor party.  Inside the backpack, along with the cards and money, were a roll of toilet paper, our chopstick collection and an unpeeled naval orange (thankfully not punctured by the chopsticks, nor rotting).  And so I kissed my husband, gave my son a heart-not-in-it, gotta-hurry lecture and rough hair-tousle and headed back to pay for my coffee and be (only slightly) late for work.

Its funny really, how any organization, or attempt at it, goes out the window when your kids gets to a certain age.  Its ironic, that now, I can actually manage to label things, sort them and keep them orderly on my own (not like when I had the baby blues and couldn't think straight nor wanted to do any of that), but now that I want to alphabetize my spices and line up my books by genre and colour block the spines on my bookshelf, my son is like the tasmanian devil, whirling about the place and throwing things everywhere.  All cutlery is out of the drawer and in a variety of spots from toilet brush holder behind the toilet (yeah, probably don’t accept that invitation to my next dinner party) to inside the cold air return register grate.  All my tampons have been removed from their packages and are in a variety of handbags in the closet (highly sanitary I believe) as well as a welcome surprise inside my husband’s sock drawer.  Its not that I don’t watch him and supervise him.  Its that he’s lightening quick - especially if he’s undertaken a job he’s not supposed to be engaged in.  One minute he’s singing Twinkle Twinkle and reading in his room and the next he’s moved his crib to the other side of the room and has lined up every sock my husband and I own around the perimeter of the baseboards.  If only I could train him to enjoy putting things back, where they belong, and not in the most random and inconspicuous place known to man.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Sharing Is Caring

don't even think about it, mom

My son does not share well.  I’m sure he will, one day, but that day has not come.  Right now, if you, say, ask for a piece of his grilled cheese, the response is a resounding “Noooooo!” (sometimes, “No sank you,” but only if you’re lucky).  If you really play it up, milk it and whine “Pleeease? I’m SOOO hungry!” He will pause, think and then still say “No.”  I don’t know what my husband and I are doing wrong.  We sing the Raffi “Sharing Song” as if its a Top 40 hit. We always say “Sharing is Caring” and Charlie even repeats it.  We’ve even taken up clowning in an effort to teach, for “modeling” sake.  In a pantomime fashion, Mommy and Daddy share everything (me with my husband and he with me) and we lay the manners on thick too “Thank you so much for sharing this delicious apple with me daddy.  I was hoping you’d give me a bite and you did! Oh boy!”  Charlie just rolls his eyes and walks away “Charlie’s apple” he says, clutching his Northern Spy tightly.    

You’d think having 3 young cousins around to share toys with would help.  You’d think our twice weekly visits to the local Ontario Early Years drop in Centers, where sharing is sacrosanct, would have rubbed off on him atleast a little.  Well it hasn’t. Recently, for example, we went to the center for some play time with different toys, to play with new kids.  We were first to arrive.  Big mistake.  This sends Charlie the following message, I’m sure: Behold, Sir Charles, your very own play mansion filled with whatever toy you desire. Enjoy.  Then, of course, as it is a public place (and free, and awesome) lots of other mommies arrive with their kidlets to escape the Murky Dismal weather.  The Bob the Builder toy set Charlie has been enjoying (alone) is suddenly “under attack” as other curious children arrive and bee-line for it.  Charlie enters high-alert disaster mode and starts wailing, tears spurting from his eyes as if he’s swallowed a habenero.  He runs to me and collapses in my lap.  Its a travesty.  

Desperate, I search my local library for books on sharing.  I found one called “Mine” by Patrice Barton.  Its a book about two toddlers who fight over everything and all they keep yelling is “MINE!” and trouble ensues when their puppy starts stealing and destroying everything they fight over.  I think its a little over his head because all he does is laugh hysterically at it, especially when the teddy bear ends up soaked in the dog dish after doing an aerial over the entire living room.  This book is NOT teaching Charlie to share.  What will?

Thursday, 4 October 2012

I Know What I Want and I Want It Now

Operation: Tantrum Management

Charlie has recently started expressing very strong preferences for things.  Some might call him willful.  Others may say he’s domineering.  He’s almost two.  No, I will not let myself call it the “terrible twos” that’s so cliche and I’m not there yet so I haven’t really technically experienced it and can’t assume the label.  I’ll paint the picture.

6:30 AM Wakes up, opens door and, from crib, sweetly coos, “Oh, Moommmmmy!”
6:33 AM Mom shuffles sleepily to the doorway and says playfully and with an intent to start the day off on a whimsical note, “Who’s there?”
6:34 AM Charlie screams and yells no and throws himself onto the mattress in his crib, mom tries to cajole him and rubs his back.  “Are you still sleepy? Want to go back to sleep?”
6:35 AM Charlie hits mom’s hands away and moans, “Arghwahwahwah” Like a wounded, whimpering mule.
6:36 AM Mom goes back to bed, from bed she says, calmly, “Ok, Charlie go back to sleep then.”
6:37 AM Charlie is silent and then screams a foundation-rattling wail which knocks picture frames off their nails throughout the hallway, “UP!!! NOW!!! PEEESE?”

This is how we BEGIN our days.  

He’s also mastered the “wet noodle” maneuver whenever I need to pick him up to move him out of harms way or dress or undress him.  Diaper changes? Forget about it.  Its like he’d rather sit in his own refuse than humor me to lie still for a mere 30 seconds.  I swear I could probably do it in even less time if he’d just HOLD STILL.  Socks? Rather go barefoot.  Shoes? Are you insane? Brush your teeth? Ok, yes, I’ll take the toothbrush, oh wait, I thought I heard you say to brush the tile grout!  “Here Charlie, have the last bite of your chicken finger” He coyly takes it and then hurls it to the floor, tiny specks of breading becoming lodged between every nook and cranny and luring neighbourhood ants into our home.  

I know that this is a phase, a milestone even, if you look it up in What To Expect The First Two Years: Toddler Edition it likely foreshadows this set of behaviours rather accurately and calls it Displays of Attitude.  I’m fine with it.  Its cute at times.  He’s developing his personality, his likes and dislikes, he’s expressing himself and communicating and what’s crazy is, its up to me, and how I react that is teaching him, in the moment, whether or not that behaviour is tolerated.  I’m socializing him and this terrifies me as I’m a rather sarcastic and impatient person.

He’s also a bit of a parrot recently repeating back everything I say.  “Is there an echo in here?” he just said with (if not perfect pronunciation) perfect intonation.  Earlier today it was, “Darnit!” and “What the HECK?!” We really have to kindergarten-ize our expressions.  What a little potty mouth!

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Patience Is A Virtue

Charlie Shake: 2 parts odds and ends, 1 part mom-patience

There are times when I question the hypocrisy of my never-ending patience for the children I teach and my serious lack of patience for my own 2-year old son.  Is it because he is my progeny that I expect him to be compliant and obey my commands at all times?  Is it because I get paid (or will when I get a job) to be patient with the children I teach? I don’t think so.  Why is it that I get so flustered when he goes limp noodle and throws a tantrum or when he decides to take all the tampons out of the box in the bathroom and line them up down the hallway like railroad ties?  Why is it that I can’t smile and shrug when I notice he’s taken every piece of folded laundry out of the basket and strewn them across the room?  Why do I blow a fuse when he puts all his scrambled eggs inside his glass of apple juice when I turn my back for two seconds?  I think I need a reality check.  At times like these, I think: he’s healthy.  I’m healthy.  He’s curious, learning, experimenting, testing the boundaries.  These are all really good things.  Why should I care that he’s a Tasmanian devil leaving ripped, dismantled, wrinkled and wrecked things in his wake?  

I suppose it is because I find myself unable to catch up with the messes that present themselves in every corner of my house and instead of laughing about it, I let it put me in a crabby mood.  Today for example, there are puzzles everywhere.  The dishes need to be emptied out of the dishwasher for the next load of crusty ones to go in.  Charlie’s clothes are all over the place and he’s removed the entire contents of my pantry and put two items per kitchen floor tile like a grocery store checkerboard.  When I open the lazy susan to find my coasters, can opener, plastic cling wrap and a pair of socks inside my empty juice pitcher, I feel my shoulders hunch tighter.  Maybe I do need that Eucalyptis roll-on anti stress stick I was given.  If only I could find it.  As I empty the contents of the pitcher to put the items back in their respective places, Charlie comes around the corner protesting wildly.  “No, mama.  Benda.”  He takes the items, returns them inside the pitcher and puts on the lid.  Suddenly he begins to make a blender whirring sound.  “See? Benda.”  Mr. Messy is a genius.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Before vs. After

Today I was doing my usual "Charlie is napping" routine (make a coffee, surf the net, maybe go #2) when I visited People.com and noticed an intriguing quote by Pink, the singer, who had her first child, a daughter called Willow, last year. She said, "We have no idea what we did before having Willow."  She must have amnesia.  Is that just one of those things people say because the masses expect it of them?  Here's a reminder for her.
 
Things We Did Before Kid and Haven’t Really Done Since - MOURNING HeaderThings We Didn’t Do Before Kid - WELCOME HOME
Watched movies (start to finish, in one sitting, usually not rated G)Share our bed with a squirming, kicking, restless leg creature
Went out for dinners (and didn't need a high chair)Go for bike rides
Spent money on ourselvesPlay trains
Slept in (I mean, past 6 am)Roll on the carpet
Had long showers or baths (or if not long, at least had them)Talk to strangers at the grocery store or in any line quite frankly
Took uninterrupted bathroom breaksCut sandwiches into 4 crustless triangles
Read a bookKneel on the floor for 3/4 of the day
Blow dried hair, did makeupHunt for spiders with a "tish-oo"
Read the paperLaugh hysterically when things spill or break
Follow fashion trendsKiss boo boos better
Made elaborate mealsGet tackled with hugs and kisses
Went to bed lateSpot school buses, tractors, lawn mowers, dump trucks, taxi cabs, police cars and fire trucks
Had a conversation during daytime hours without whisperingRead the same book over and over
Listened to loud music loudListen for airplanes, train whistles and sirens
Yelled at each other with abandonRun outside when Canadian Geese are overhead or when the Garbage/ Mail man has arrived
Made up passionatelyfold 9-million pieces of laundry only to have them dumped out and spread around the floor promptly afterward
Got drunkfought to remove a small wet person from a bathtub
 

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Quit Toying With My Emotions

Its not just the prerogative of grandparents anymore

One of my son’s favourite pastimes is to read a catalogue for Mastermind Toys.  He will  go to the book shelf (yes, it has book shelf status in our house) and make a point to look for it, and then he’ll sit and study every single toy in there.  He finds a lot of joy in it, exclaiming loudly, “Wow!” and “Yeah!” when he points out his very favourite toys (mostly those toys with wheels).  I recently had the brainwave of bringing him into a toy and hobby store at Mapleview mall where I experienced 21 month old fury at being penned into a stroller and forced to “look and don’t touch”. That’s not an option for my son.  Screaming doesn’t quite capture the extreme vocalized disdain he had for me when I kept trying to soothe him with redirection and reassurance, “look at this one! no I’m sorry honey we can’t play with these toys.”  I felt like a complete ass and promptly beelined for the exit.  You see, Charlie understands the difference between print ads for toys (2D) as in, not real, can’t touch and 3D (real, physical objects that EXIST) as in, can and should be able to touch.  He did not however, understand why I would bring him to such a wonderland of commercialism and then restrain him from touching anything.  He pouted for a good hour after that and his puffy, tear-stained cheeks made me feel like a moron for the next 24.   But I’m not writing here to confess my toy store + nearly 2 year old conundrum, I’m writing about my own problem for buying things that I feel Charlie should have, nay needs to have.  

Prior to motherhood, I was known to indulge in the best wines and foodie goodies, trendy clothes and jewelry, spa treatments, highlights.  I would say I enjoyed shopping for myself.  Now I channel my love of cute things into buying toys and clothes for Charlie.   You see, buying a toy for your kid is pretty satisfying, some might call it addicting.  The joy you feel when you pick out just the right thing and he plays with it happily afterward, suddenly inseparable from it.   It makes you feel really warm and tingly in a materialistic sort of way.  But the really funny thing about toys and kids is that, they may want something in the store, and so you cave and give in and satisfy their whim and then well, it sits untouched collecting dust in your house.  What I’ve discovered, especially in social situations like play group where there is a body of toys to SHARE is that what kids really want is the toy that the other kid is playing with.  It is the best toy.  And then when they get that toy, the other toy being used is the one they want.  I guess I’ve entered sharing 101.  The grass is always greener mentality starts young!  I’ll try not to do a Foucaultian analysis on children sharing 1 coveted toy but I want to talk about something else.  Found material makes excellent toys.  

On our recent trip to Vancouver, the plastic beverage cup the flight attendant handed Charlie was way better than the 25 kg of primary colored, plastic distraction I paid to haul on board with me to occupy Charlie.  Twigs are also very cool, dead bugs, trash at the park that Charlie must pick up and put in the garbage (so sanitary), things he’s not supposed to play with make excellent toys too (the cordless phone, tv remote, mom’s tampons).  And lately, he’s been on a domestic jag, favouring the swiffer broom, mini dust pan and hand broom, dust buster, etc.  He even inspects the waste baskets around the house and brings them to me to put in the big kitchen garbage if they’re getting full (e.g. if they have 1 thing in them).  Did I mention he is 21 months old?  I’m quite ok with having him circle the house pushing a swiffer broom - it saves me loads on Molly Maid!   

My final remark on the subject of toys relates to second handiness (a skill every spoiling mom should possess).  Once Upon A Child, Value Village, Garage Sales, Mom-to-Mom sales, Church sales, Kijiji, Craigslist, Momstown, etc.  USE these.  There is no point at paying full price for something your son is going to submerge in the toilet, throw down the stairs, use as a stepping stool, put down his diaper or peel the decals off of. 

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Staring Down The Barrel of A...Baby Potty


Every time I see its pristine, gleaming bowl I feel like a bad parent
Its human nature to compare ourselves to others, and when a mommy: to compare our little ones to other little ones.  We do this all the time, however we love the trope, “everyone is different, everyone has their own internal clocks and timelines”.  We say this over and over again; almost a mantra, hoping that our child will be developmentally sound and reach all their milestones in good time (and not slow-bus time), but also to sound like we don’t care about such trivial matters and that we love our little one in whatever shape he or she decides to take.  Sorry, but its true.  I admit that I am slightly worried about my son’s verbalization.  Its not his fault.  We talk for him all the time and I do a pretty great job of decoding his sounds and so he gets everything he wants.  That’s communication 101 - give me what I want! He’s probably fully aware of this and thinks, “why go to all the trouble of forming the whole word when “Jew” gets me Juice and “popo” gets me my toy police car in record time?”  That’s not laziness on his part, its ingenuity.  
The reason that I realized that I compare way too often is when I started going to OEYC (Ontario Early Years Centers) drop-in hours around the corner from us.  I go for an hour or two in the mornings with Charlie for him to play with other kids, and for me to socialize with other moms.  This sounds like a great idea and its free - different toys and songs and stories everyday, a revolving door of new friends - what could be negative (other than communicable diseases) about this set-up?  Well, I’ll tell you what.  I have found that I do nothing, but compare developmental milestone calendars with other moms, and not all on my own doing either, its like we gravitate to each other and its a predictable and easy conversation starter.  It goes something like this: 
“How old is your little one?” 
“Oh, Charlie? (repeating or calling his name over and over during the course of the play date is a popular shameless, proud namer maneuver) He’s 21 months.”  
“Oh mine is 20 months.  Potty-trained yet?” the other mom is looking at my obviously diapered son and just baiting me into defensiveness.  I almost always take the bait.
Now I ask you, how is one supposed to, in a socially-acceptable manner I mean, respond to this?  Its not a harmless question, its a question that is basically sizing up a variety of personality traits of me as a mother: am I dedicated, in-tune with my son’s digestive patterns, am I environmentally conscious?  I have a sort of meta-cognitive awareness going on as I take part in these mostly mommy encounters.  How am I perceived? What are my strengths here? How am I doing as a parent?  Its kind of crazy actually.  I wish I could say what I’m thinking in these situations.  Something like, “well we’re a family of defecation fetishists so I think having him discard his feces into a toilet would be stripping him of the joys of sitting in his own crap.”  But that wouldn’t get me on any parenting committees and probably WOULD get me a visit from Children’s Aid, and so I keep my mouth shut (for once).
When Charlie was first born I went to these centers to get the F out of my house and to try to connect with actual human beings that were functioning as parents and not needing life support and anti-depressants by the bucketful.  Okay, that’s a bit melodramatic, but I was hurting.  So I went and I was told by the early years educators that I was normal and that it was good I was coming out, reaching out, and that it would get better.  I was comforted to meet other new zombies, I mean moms, who were just as disheveled, overwhelmed and exhausted as I was.  It sounds mean, but when I met one mom who hadn’t showered in three days, had twins and no help (no moms, sisters, non-working girlfriends, or mother-in-laws) well, it made me grateful for my one child, my great familial support network and my knowledge of the PTA sink bath (you can guess what the acronym stands for).  And see, even then, in my brand new days as a parent, I was comparing.  I didn’t smell, she did.  I had one kid, she had two.  I had a doting mother-in-law around the corner, she didn’t.  Did that make me a better person? No, my relief at my own situation and pity for hers probably made me a worse person, but it did put me in tune with that fact that, despite my terror at the whole game-changing arrival of Charlie, actually, I was lucky.  
Now that I have myself more together and have adjusted to being a parent, I guess I feel I need to compare my child.  Now I don’t do it in a mean way.  I don’t find (that much) joy when Charlie’s fine motor skills outshine a playmate, nor do I curse Charlie if his ball throwing form pales in comparison to another’s.  I don’t ever look down at Charlie and think, “well, what a shame, he’s just not going to be pianist” or “his artistic composition with the finger paints tells me he’ll probably be an athlete” but I do look (split-screen in my mind’s eye) at the two 21 month old toddlers trying to climb up the mini slide, one wearing a diaper and one not and feel like a bit of a potty-training slacker. Or I hear one saying, “Oh mom, not Gouda again!” in an exasperated tone, as his mother unpacks his snack and then to my son who happily munches a cheese slice and says “tee” (which in all fairness to him sound a lot like the “ch” sound that the word he’s trying to say starts with.)  And there I go again, wondering when it will happen for Charlie.  When he’ll be enunciating his vast vocabulary like the brainiac he is.