Spic n' Span

Fresh as a daisy

It was 8:30 on a beautiful summer evening, and Charlie was asleep.  My husband was working late and I was by myself in a quiet house.  What to do, what to do? I decided I’d steal a moment away for myself and...clean.  Sounds ridiculous, right? Well not to the makers of a variety of products which are lavender scented.  They’ve done the focus groups, they’ve talked to the cleaning women who relax as they clean.  It seems odd.  Never in my life did I enjoy cleaning, but now I do when my son is sleeping.  I realized that cleaning uninterrupted is actually a luxury (as is eating, going to the washroom, shaving my legs, etc.).  Well, when there is nothing else on the agenda and it is quiet, cleaning is quite nice actually.  

I had a girlfriend as a teenager, whose mother would ritualize cleaning in the evenings. She would smoke, drink a corona, dim the lights and put on Joni Mitchell.  As Little Green would play softly in the background, she’d fold her whitest whites, which she’d dump out on the large harvest table in her all-white kitchen.  She'd peacefully fold the laundry blowing smoke rings making little piles based on clothing type and owner.  I believe vanilla candles were also lit in the background.   Sometimes I feel like I’m channeling this lady as I clean.

There is a difference between tidying and truly cleaning - like - Molly Maid grade cleaning.  So often, all I manage to do is a surface clean, where I grab the nearest damp cloth or Kleenex (or wipe) and clean the obvious, visible spills as they appear to me.   My cleaning, or should I say, tidying, involves: straightening pile of magazines, recycling junk mail, straightening shoes by the door, and swiffering (now a verb!) obvious dust - like ray-of-light-through-the-window dust.  After he eats, I’ll wipe down the tray of his highchair.   Later, laying on the floor doing puzzles I notice parts of the highchair that should have never seen food directly, but that now have pizza sauce and other miscellaneous things spackled and caked on - that need wiping badly.  How long has THAT been there?  My regular cleaning is not thorough spring cleaning type cleaning - who does that but before guests come, I mean, really?! You’re supposed to wash the walls?! But now, with little ants around sink, I know down deep inside why we have these household pests.  I can’t keep up.  Why does having a baby mean that everything has crumbs on it?  And I only have 1 kid! I mean, no pets and a husband who sadly works 12 hour days.  Its just me in this house basically - this means that I’m the pig and I’m raising a piglet!   I’m the worst with stuff just piling up.  My buffet for example (or sideboard/ credenza - what do you call those things anyway?) is covered in bills (paid and due mixed together), a dying plant, mix-matched tupperware, an empty Kleenex box, Charlie’s crocs, an extension cord and some random art supplies.  I’m a candidate for Clean Sweep for sure! Does that show still exist?  Hopefully I’m not a candidate for Hoarders! No, I’m not THAT bad.  

I do have one pet peeve and that is the stinky dishcloth.  Of that I am extremely vigilant, replacing it daily with a freshly bleached cloth.  But the other chores? Well, they slide.  Of all the chores on the list, emptying the dishwasher is my least favourite.  I have no clue why. I’m a soak and scrub later type.  What I lack is some true elbow grease.  And for this reason, shake and bake is my mortal enemy.  Particulates that don’t come off unless you put your back into it.  However, scrubbing a pan is quite good for getting out internal aggressions - like punching a punching bag. 

I know that I occasionally get into hyper cleaning moods where I put on Bjork or some aggressive rock and roll (The Dum Dum Girls is a favourite) and really scrub the bath ring around the tub or get down on my hands and knees and wrangle the dust bunnies that live underneath every piece of furniture in my house.  I fill up the kitchen sink with hot, I mean boiling, sudsy water and scrub every surface.  As I clean I literally feel my hair fall out and my biceps bulge as I turn into a flat-chested bald man with a hoop earring. Self-satisfied, arms crossed, nodding with a big grin on my smug face.  “Yes, that’s Mrs. Clean to you.”

My house rarely looks spiffy and sparkly except for when my mother-in-law has been over.  My spices drawer is alphabetized, my linen closet looks ready for a Martha Stewart magazine centerfold spread and when I put away the folded laundry she’s done I have a series of revelations!  So THIS is how you’re supposed to fold a bath towel, fitted sheet, pair of panties, FILL IN THE BLANK!  It was like I was visited by the laundry fairy.

The last thing I’ll say about cleaning is the idea of getting your kids on board to team clean!  Its this myth that I’ve heard mentioned over and over.  Its cool that Charlie loves to clean by his own volition, but as soon as you force it, by buying a little broom swiffer- trying to make cleaning fun during a pre-ordained "time for cleaning"!  Its just not going to happen.  I've heard it said,  “If your little one likes cleaning, you’ll have a helper and not have to get after them to always clean up after themselves”.  It reminds me of the little ditty we sing at playgroup at the day’s end:

Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere

Clean up, clean up everybody do your share!

Not in this lifetime.